


Together

by Lotus_Dumplings



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen, Probably idk anymore, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Transitioning, Transphobia, transtalia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-19 06:01:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19350940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lotus_Dumplings/pseuds/Lotus_Dumplings
Summary: Gilbert and Monika realize just who the other is.------Transtalia week.





	1. Family

Monika scrolled through her phone, looking through as many articles and photos as she could. Jul—no, _Gilbert_ , she reminded herself—had already given her some of his old makeup boxes, purses, and belts. In exchange she had offered up a few neckties and the dress shirts she had that would fit him. Still, she had very little clothing items as it was, and would've liked to at least try and build herself a wardrobe. 

She ran a hand through her hair. By gelling it back through the years, she was able to discreetly keep it long enough without her parents noticing. The length, falling just above her eyes, made her pretty damn proud. Her hands, though, were big. Very big. They weren't calloused or anything, as she was actually pretty gentle with them, but it wasn't a feature she had the most confidence in.

She couldn't think on it long, though. Not when a random "Whatcha looking at?" sounded from behind her. Monika jumped at the question, getting her phone nabbed in the process. 

"Oh my God, are you making a Pinterest board?" Gilbert laughed. "That's so fucking girly." 

"Hey! Give me my phone!" Monika reached to grab it, but Gilbert ducked under her. 

"Oh, is that a pixie cut? Did you want to get one of those? You would look so cute with a haircut, Moni! We could get haircuts together!" 

"Gilbert!" she growled. "Phone. Now." 

"Okay, okay, damn. I just thought it was cute." He plopped onto the couch, next to her, pouting. Monika rolled her eyes, taking her phone. God, he could be so childish. "I wasn't joking about the haircuts, though," he said. 

Monika raised an eyebrow. "You want to cut your hair?" 

Gilbert hummed, taking a piece of his long hair into his fingers. He had told their parents when they were younger that he wanted something a little shorter. He told them he didn't like pigtails and that if he had to have long hair he wanted "awesome" hair like Tolys or András. They had always told him "no", just as they told Monika "no" to frilly aprons or playing with girl toys. 

Gilbert gave a single curt nod, face having twisted in quiet contemplation. "Yeah. I do." 

Monika glanced at her phone. Yeah, she thought a pixie cut would be cool, but…

"Do you think I could pass as a woman with short hair?" 

Gilbert blinked, coming out of his trance. "Why does that matter?" 

"I dunno…" 

"I mean, it wouldn't make you any less of a woman, or any less my little sister, got it?" Monika nodded, and Gilbert grinned. "We should go shopping." 

"Huh? Why?"

"I mean, you're gonna need new clothes anyway, so why not? Might as well have some fun while we're at it," he said. "Wouldn't you like to try on some outfits? Or enjoy yourself a bit?" 

"'I'd like to' and 'I can afford to' are two different things." 

"Oh, c'mon, Moni! I can pay for it." 

She frowned. "But—" 

"No buts! You're staying with me which means it's my job to pay for you." He gave her a stern look before sitting up with a stretch. "I got work." 

Monika bit her lip and nodded. Gilbert smirked down at her and ruffled her hair. 

"Love you, sis." He kissed her head with a loud smack. 

She rolled her eyes. "Love you too, _bro_." 

 

"This doesn't seem like something you'd do. Moving out immediately after you turn eighteen." Julia laughed. "I'm glad you called me, though. It's been awhile." 

Monika hummed, looking out the window. It's true, she hadn't seen her sister since she moved out three years ago. Despite her parents' denial and outright refusal to acknowledge it, she knew Julia had been dating girls. In fact, that's all she knew. She squirmed in her seat, suddenly a lot more uncomfortable. 

They'd been closer when they were younger, but it had grown harder for them to stay close after everything that happened. Julia had tried her best to be there, she really did. She gave her an emergency pager and sent her letters—which Monika found hidden in a locked box in her mother's closest. She only had her sister left, so she'd have to try as well. 

"H-hey Jules." She swallowed, watching Julia's surprised look melt into something unreadable. "Can I tell you something?"


	2. After

A part of Gilbert felt a bit odd, being both shorter and smaller than his younger sister, and the other part felt damn proud of her. Especially when she went out of her way to enjoy herself. That's why, despite having to look up at her in her heels, he couldn't help but grin. 

"A party! My baby girl's going to a college party!" 

"Your 'baby girl'?" Monika raised an eyebrow, though her bright pink cheeks didn't go unnoticed by him. 

"Yes. And she's gonna have a good time and be responsible and meet cute boys. And tell me if she meets cute girls or boys her big bros age, hopefully." 

"Oh my God." 

"But mostly have a good time! Minus drinking and smoking and unprotected sex." 

"Gilbert." 

"Not that I mind what you do with others, it's just important to make sure you're comfortable and safe. But still having fun!" 

"Gilbert please!" Monika groaned, looking away in embarrassment. He only smiled larger. 

"I can't help it! Last party I helped you get ready for was that one shitty Christmas party. Remember that?" 

She sighed. "Yes, I remember." 

"Except then you were shorter than me," he said, ruffling her hair. "And your hair was gelled back like some Elvis impersonator. Much prefer this, if I'm being honest." 

"Gilbert! I spent twenty minutes getting my hair in place!" She huffed. "Besides, you looked like Sharon Spitz, so you have no right to judge." 

"Oh, don't remind me. I hated braces so damn much." 

"And the open belly dress?" 

"Fucking despised that! As if I already didn't feel terrible about the entire thing."

She laughed. "I thought it looked cute." 

"Course you did. Now get! Go and have fun!" Monika bit her lip. He hated how she did that. Pierced her pretty lips like that. He frowned, not being able to do much else. "Wassup, Moni?" 

She shook her head. "Nothing. I just haven't been to a party as… Monika." She groaned. "I know, it sounds stupid—" 

"I get it." He took one of her hands, rubbing small circles into her knuckles. "I get it. But it doesn't get better until you realize that you were always Monika. You were always my sweet, adorable little sister, no matter what you wore or what anyone said. And anyone who can't stand that is a fucking asshole amd you should totally suplex their ass." 

She tittered, looking away. "I guess you're right." 

"I know I'm right! Now go out there and have fun not standing around in a stiff ass suit talking about Jesus!" 

"Roger that."


	3. Shopping

Monika sat in the passenger seat, fingers tapping against the armrest. She would've been perfectly content sitting quietly with her thoughts, she told herself. It was a lie, of course, but she told herself that. It's not like she had much space to try in Gilbert's car. Quiet seemed to be a foreign concept to him.

"Moni, can you grab one of my CDs from the glovebox? The one that says from Isabel?" 

"Isabel?" 

"An old friend. She gave it to me as a birthday gift." He smiles at the memory. "Can you pop it in and go to track two?" 

She nods. Knowing Gilbert, this was probably something stupid, but she was admittedly curious, so she went along with it. When the track began to play, she blinked in confusion. 

"Why the hell do you have this?" 

He laughed. "It was a gift! Besides, Cyndi Lauper is a beautiful goddess. Come on, sing with me!" 

"I will not." 

"Moni!" 

"No."

"Please?" 

"Gilbert," she groaned. He just grinned and began shouting the lyrics. 

__

_I come home in the morning light_  
My mother says, "When you gonna live your life right?"  
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones  
And girls, they wanna have fun  
Oh girls just want to have fun 

"I can't believe you."

"Oh, come on! Doesn't my pretty girl wanna have fun? Because I know I do!" 

"You aren't even a girl." 

"And your point is? Hell, I'll have hella fun!" The music continued. Gilbert leaned against Monika for a moment, elbowing her a bit. "Sing with me! Let all that anxiety out." She looked away in embarrassment and sighed. 

__

_That's all they really want_  
Some fun  
When the working day is done  
Oh girls, they wanna have fun  
Oh girls just wanna have fun 

He practically squealed, his laugh coming out almost like a hiss. By the time they were pulling into the parking lot, they'd gone through two songs. Monika couldn't help but smile.

Gilbert stretched before readjusting his ponytail. "You ready?" 

She nodded. 

 

Gilbert practically dragged her along, eyes shining. He hadn't calmed down since they'd left the Mall's barbershop. Monika had to admit, she felt a similar sort of high herself, but damn, couldn't he slow down for two seconds?

It wasn't long before he was grabbing literally everything from off another store's shelves and shoving her into a dressing room. She sighed, looking down at everything. At least he hadn't ruined the folding. 

Biting her lip, she began to go through the clothes. Outfit pieces and accessories and shoes and hair clips. A lump formed in her throat. 

She had complete creative freedom. 

When Monika peaked from behind the dressing room door, Gilbert was waiting for her. He was dressed casual, sneakers squeaking against the floor and hands stuffed into his pockets. He started messing with his hair, and she realized then that he's nervous. 

He stopped when he saw her, however, opting to grin instead. "Hey there, pretty lady." 

She laughed. "You look handsome." 

"Not too shabby yourself, Misses." She looked down at her outfit and bit her lip. She wore a dress and flats, but her feet were big and her legs were muscular. It almost felt wrong. 

Gilbert took her hands, leaning into her. "But really, Moni. You're gorgeous." 

Her heart fluttered. "Not too shabby yourself, Mister."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then they proceed to go to Claire's and Tuxedo Junction and freak out like the cuties they are.


	4. Her Realization

At first, Ludwig thought he was gay. And that in and of itself was fucking terrifying. 

When he was younger, he didn't even know what gay meant. He just knew that his father didn't like it. He said a lot of rude things and grouped it together with murder and unfaithfulness, but Ludwig didn't ask any questions. It didn't pertain to him.

And then he went into the private school system, and everything changed. People started calling him this word, claiming he was some monster or abomination in the eyes of God. But he couldn't possibly be that! He tried to be everything his family expected, he couldn't possibly have sinned. He didn't know where to go, so he went and asked his sister. 

"They're just being assholes," she said with a huff. "They think you're weak or soft or some shit so they attack you. They just don't understand." 

That answer never really satisfied him, but he never said anything more. He knew when Julia was worked up. After all, if gay really meant "attracted to men", he couldn't be gay. He wasn't attracted to anyone! 

At least until he was sitting in a bathroom stall at school and panicking because he was _crushing on a fucking boy holy shit—_

He was thirteen then. That was when he began to grow taller than his sister and his voice began to crack. And he fucking hated it. He was beyond jealous of Julia, who had her pretty dresses and had developed boobs and was allowed to keep her long hair. 

It was stupid. It's not like any of that was her fault—hell, she didn't even want any of that. But he couldn't help it, because _he_ wanted that. 

In the next years of his life, he'd secretly shaved his legs and he wore anything that could hide his body and he gelled his hair back to appease his father and that was that. He ignored his feelings towards boys and he ignored how much he wanted to be like the Opera singers his mother watched on TV and he cried himself to sleep from fear, but that was that. 

He didn't want to tell his parents. He'd seen how they acted when they found out Julia was dating girls, and he'd seen how they yelled at her when she said anything they disagreed with, and he'd even seen how they'd taken her to a priest to try and "fix" her. He didn't want that for himself. Well, he didn't want that for Julia, either, but he couldn't speak up. He felt like a coward.

When he was fifteen, Julia moved out. He didn't know what to do after that. He and Julia had talked a lot less after he hit puberty, but that didn't change how much he cared about her. Besides, Julia understood him to a degree. Julia was the only one who understood. 

She didn't leave him entirely alone. She gave him a pager—which he hid carefully in the back of his closet. Snooping around his parents' room he discovered she had also sent him letters. Frequently. His blood boiled. Still, he said nothing.

When he turned sixteen, his mother forced him to go to a school party. Immediately, something felt off. He was surrounded by girls in pretty dresses and boys who made his stomach twist, all while being forced to wear some tight dress shirt. No, it didn't just feel off. It was all wrong. 

His head spun and his heart raced and he felt so dizzy. And before he knew he, he was running. Running away from everything and locking everything behind him. He felt like he was going to be sick. 

He barfed in the bathroom stall. Something was wrong, he decided. Something was very, _very_ wrong. 

He stayed there for a while, unwilling to move. He was afraid. He was always afraid of something. He was afraid of being and disappointing and getting hurt. But a part of him was also afraid of admitting. 

Admitting what? Admitting he lusted after boys? Admitting he was envious of girls? Or maybe something more. Maybe he had to dig deeper. 

Or was it really "he" at all? 

What if he didn't have to be?

What if he, could be she? 

He could have it all. He could be beautiful and have it all and feel right. He wanted that. He wanted it badly. 

Was that greedy? Was it too much to wish for? To ask for? 

For a moment, he didn't care. Just that thought, the thought that "he" could be "she", left he wanting. No, needing. 

He leant against the stall door, just wishing that could be him. 

His mother was watching TV when he heard it. Monika. His chest panged. 

He wanted that. 

_She needed that._

She swallowed and looked around. Life moved on as if nothing had happened. As if nothing had changed. 

But for Monika, everything had changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh ending unedited oof.


End file.
